It’s hard to gain relationship closure. In fact, it can be one of the most difficult things you may ever do.
By Sherrie Hurd,
The strange thing about relationship closure is that it sometimes comes long after the relationship is over, and yet, sometimes, even before it ends. The truth is, you can usually see where your relationship is headed, and you just don’t know what to do or what to feel.
You know when it’s time to move on, but you just don’t know how to make that happen. I’ve been there, and it’s heartbreaking.
Why it’s so important to move on
Moving on is important because you cannot live in a fantasy world forever. When relationships end, most of the time, there’s no going back. Relationships and closure help you heal before starting new healthy relationships if a partnership is still your desire.
Hey, some even choose to stay single for a while, heal and also discover who they areand what they want out of life. But none of this self-discovery and healing can come if there is no closure with the relationship.
Getting the closure you deserve
As I stated before, ending a relationship with the appropriate closure is important. Although this process may indeed be painful, it’s necessary to start over new. So, in case you don’t know how to do this, I will offer a few suggestions. Here’s how to get closure.
1. The last talk
If you’re mature enough to handle this, then talking about the reasons is important. If the breakup was calm, then the other party may be willing to explain what happened from their side. Being able to talk through this process is a great advantage to moving on.
Make sure, however, that this talk isn’t going to lead to false hopes from either side.
2. Separate locations
Another thing you must to do to ensure closure is to move to another place. If you’re married or live together, you will be more prone to get back into a relationship that isn’t good for you if you remain too long.
When you’ve decided that it’s over, the relationship must have total closure. This means, if you eat, sleep, and exist in the same home, one of you has to move out.
3. Set and keep boundaries
If you must have some contact, such as contact because of shared children, then you must set firm boundaries. Setting these boundaries and keeping them, allows you to attain total closure to the relationship.
You can agree to meet in certain places other than your home or you can agree to act a certain way when you have to meet. Either way, setting boundaries will help you find the end you need.
4. Get support
Some people aren’t able to accept closure without support from friends and family. I know that many have said that it’s up to you to accept things, but after a terrible breakup, being on your own is not a good option.
It’s just too unfair and painful. It’s just important that you do not keep your emotions inside. Talking to someone helps you hear the words coming out of your mouth and helps you process this truth.
5. Change scenery
After a painful breakup, relationships need closure, even if it means changing your surroundings. Sometimes, in order to accept what’s happening to you, a breath of fresh air or a different location may calm you.
It can also help you realign your focus and understand your goals. Clearing your mind by going somewhere new also helps you see that your worth doesn’t depend on another person. You can go places, attain goals and definitely feel good about yourself as well.
6. Holding on to self-worth
Sometimes breakups happen out of the blue. You may think your relationship is doing fine, and then suddenly, your wife is asking for a divorce or your boyfriend is asking to part ways. This can be the most shocking experience for anyone.
When you have no explanation of why you’ve been left, then your self-esteem may take a hit. Here’s what you need to do in order to find closure. No matter how emotional you may be, you have to hold onto your worth. Remember, as I also spoke of before, that your worth is not governed by another person.
No matter what they do, or even if it makes no sense, you still have to believe in yourself. Get closure, by holding on tight to the great person you are. It takes some work, but you can do it.
7. Get rid of reminders
This might seem cold, but when a relationship is in need of closure, you must get rid of gifts, cards, or letters you’ve received from your ex. These sentimental reminders will only keep you locked into the past, and the past is what you’re trying to get over.
So, pack up those things and either put them away or just get rid of them. This will help so much with that closure you seek.
8. Professional help
If all else fails, you should seek professional help. Seeking the help of therapists and counselors provide so much room to bounce your emotions off another person. This is not only another person but someone who has dealt with these issues before with other people.
They are trained to give the best options and advice for gaining closure. And sometimes, this doesn’t even have to be the last resort. It may be wise to seek help in the beginning so you can stay on track.
Relationship closure is necessary
You cannot keep living in the past and wondering what went wrong. You cannot work and rework all the mistakes you or your ex made during the relationship. When it’s over, it’s over. Although some people do work things out and stay together, many do not. When this happens, there must be relationship closure.
So, if your suffering from the loss of love or marriage, I urge you to seek closure. As hard as it may be, it has to be done. When you walk out of the dark and back into the light, you will understand why it didn’t work out.
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