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By Bernhard Guenther, January 1, 2026
I’d wish you all a “Happy” New Year, but…
“Happiness” is mostly based on fleeting external circumstances that attempt to comfort the false self.
For 2026, I wish you disillusionment.
I don’t mean this negatively or with ill will, nor do I wish you harm. Quite the opposite.
Disillusionment is a positive thing. It frees you from illusions about others and the world, but most importantly, about yourself.
It aligns you with Truth.
It is the gateway to true joy, fulfillment, abundance, and love aligned with who you truly are.
May you dive deep into the underworld and burn in the fire of purification, to be reborn like the phoenix and become real with yourself and your life.
That is the gateway to lasting “happiness.”
Disillusionment can be painful, but it is a necessary process because it frees you from the illusions and lies you have been living by.
Many people have already experienced disillusionment over the past five years, mostly regarding their worldviews. The more important step now is the internal journey during this Time of Transition.
The Terror of the Situation
Disillusionment is inevitable in the process of awakening.
But the real disillusionment that leads to true awakening, not an external, information-based “awakening” or a supposed way out of the matrix, occurs when we realize the “terror of the situation,” as Gurdjieff called it.
The embodied recognition of the terror of the situation is not about the external state of the world, which can also be terrifying, but about facing yourself, the inner journey of “know thyself,” and engaging in sincere inner work to make the darkness within you conscious.
According to Gurdjieff, facing the terror of the situation involves realizing that most human thoughts, feelings, impulses, and actions arise mechanically from shifting energies and sub-personality parts rather than from real will and a unified I.
The personality mistakes these constantly changing impulses for a stable “me,” resulting in a chaotic pattern of contradictory desires, thoughts, and feelings that creates the illusion of independence, choice, and free will, while no true inner unity or conscious direction exists.
This insight is mirrored across other esoteric traditions as an initiation into self-knowledge. Sri Aurobindo describes this same inner reality in The Synthesis of Yoga:
“The ordinary man, living on the waking surface, experiences his psychological existence as fairly simple.
But as soon as we go deep within ourselves, and Yoga means a plunge into all the multiple profundities of the soul, we find ourselves surrounded by a whole complex world which we have to know and to conquer.
We discover that every part of us, intellect, will, sense-mind, desire nature, heart, and body, has its own complex individuality, independent of the rest.
We are composed not of one but many personalities, a roughly constituted chaos into which a higher order must be introduced.
Moreover, we are not inwardly alone. Our mind is a receiving and modifying instrument through which a constant foreign flux passes.
Much of what we think and feel is not truly our own, but comes from the environment, from universal Nature, and from other beings and forces.
All of this must be consciously faced and known in order to create a true center, a real harmony, and a luminous order within.”
– Sri Aurobindo, The Synthesis of Yoga, Chapter II: Self Consecration (abridged)
Seeing this mechanical nature of the different parts within oneself is not an intellectual insight, but an existential shock that demands sustained inner work. It requires ongoing shadow and psycho-spiritual esoteric work.
It is not easy. It is uncomfortable, confronting, and messy, especially at the beginning.
Yet this work is necessary to bring forth the one true Self, the real “I,” and to establish it as master, rather than mistaking the false personality for who you are.
The ego and wounded parts want to avoid this process and generate unconscious defense mechanisms, resistance, distractions, excuses, and justifications, along with trauma responses, shadow projections, and interferences that pull attention away from the work and the necessary descent into the depths of your being.
It is far more tempting to suppress or numb pain, sadness, grief, shame, anger, and fear, or to project them outward and blame others and the world instead of looking within.
Hence, the Work requires the attitude of a spiritual warrior: spiritual will, determination, self-responsibility, self-honesty, sincerity, courage, humility, and full commitment.
Any weakness or blind spot becomes a significant hindrance on the path and will be used by adverse occult forces to target and tempt the seeker away from the truth of his being, keeping him chained in Plato’s cave and distracted by shadows on the world stage.
The Mechanical False Personality
The more sincere you are with this internal inquiry (which is an ongoing process), the more you will realize that most of “your” thoughts, feelings, beliefs, desires, wants, etc., are not “your own” but have been conditioned or inserted externally.
The “I” who you think you are, the personality mask you identify with, is made up of these programs, memories, biological drives, and experiences, accumulated over lifetimes, and influenced by the collective consciousness.
It also includes social, cultural, parental, educational, and media-conditioning programs.
None of this is “you.”
Many of your desires, feelings, and attachments can also be expressions of unconscious trauma responses from childhood wounding, lack of self-worth, and unconscious shame, resulting in trying to fill an empty hole within yourself via external means.
But it is a bottomless hole.
Many desires that are externally directed toward achieving a state of “happiness” are actually unconscious attempts to seek the truth of your being, your essence, and the Divine within.
There is nothing wrong with “desire.” Only our attachments to desires result in unnecessary suffering.
We also never question where our desires, goals, and aims in life come from in the first place.
That is also why most New Age manifestation techniques, based on the distorted and superficial idea of the law of attraction to “manifest your desires,” fail or can actually create more suffering, even if your “desire” is manifested.
It can create more Gordian Knots, as it is called in Esoteric Science, resulting in more karmic entanglements and suffering over lifetimes based on involuntary mechanical movement in the wilderness of the matrix.
Hence the saying, “Be careful what you wish for,” for there is always a price to pay based on the law of cause and effect and the law of agreement.
Many people suffer and remain unhappy even when they achieve success because they pursue desires, aims, and goals that are not truly their own, but are expressions of mechanical, false personality parts.
These aims have been programmed into them or arise from unconscious trauma responses and insecurity.
We will never find true joy, freedom, fulfillment, or happiness as long as we remain only externally oriented.
Likewise, striving for sovereignty solely on the outside will still leave you enslaved within.
Inner Bankruptcy And The Call To The Way
I’ve come face-to-face with the terror of the situation within myself many times.
It is truly terrifying to see and experience it as a witness, looking at “me” [my personality] and observing all the mechanical behaviors, feelings, actions, thoughts, desires, and impulses that are entirely automated and happen without any free will involved, all of which the personality identifies with as its “own.”
It is even more terrifying to witness that none of that is my true Self. I realized that I was living a lie, dreaming of being awake.
I had to admit that I was asleep in ways I wasn’t fully aware of.
Before we can engage in the awakening process, we must admit to ourselves and truly see how we are asleep, acting mechanically, regardless of how aware we think we are of the matrix’s external manifestations and corruption.
This realization is facing the terror of the situation within. When it is authentic and without avoidance, evasion, or bypassing, it results in an inner bankruptcy, as esoteric science calls it: disillusionment.
“When man goes in search of the Way [toward awakening], it usually means that something within him has collapsed. This inner collapse leads to seeing reality in a new light, and two diametrically opposed effects can result.
If a person is sufficiently strong and impartial, he will have the courage to face reality directly and accept what he sees, no matter how disagreeable. This signifies that he has truly stepped onto the path that leads to the path of Access to the Way.
On the other hand, if the man is weak, this experience will weaken him even more. The law is explicit: ‘To whosoever hath, to him shall be given. But whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that which he hath.’
If he does not accept his inner state as it appears to him and instead justifies his personality through logic, legitimacy, and self-defense, he turns away from the path and is thrust further into the wilderness.
Nobody can reach the path of Access to the Way without first passing through an interior bankruptcy.”
– Mouavieff, Gnosis
I have also realized that many of the desires and goals I had when I was younger, which I tried to manifest through Tony Robbins-style goal setting, mindset self-help, visualization, or New Age manifestation techniques, were rooted in childhood wounding, insecurity, and social and cultural conditioning.
Thankfully, in retrospect, the Divine graced me with tough Grace, ripping away everything I thought I wanted and pulling the rug out from under me several times.
My wounded ego and personality did not like it at all. I was kicking and screaming, trying to resist the necessary disillusionment and descent into the shadow.
I suffered because I could not let go and remained attached to and identified with goals and desires that were not aligned with the real “I” and Divine Will.
God had a different plan for me, and I had no choice but to surrender to the higher Will in an ongoing process of surrender to the higher Law.
Over the years, as I dove deeper into my process, I uncovered suppressed parts, exiles, traumatized soul fragments, the imprisoned inner child, and many protective layers and forms of “armor” that covered trauma, wounds, and shadow aspects going back lifetimes.
Each of these parts has its own distinct desires and personality, and I mistook them for the “true self.”
One example of facing the terror of the situation occurred many years ago, in the late 90s, when I first began Jungian shadow work and made more consistent efforts to observe myself. I realized that I was acting out traits of my father and mother that I consciously despised in them.
I also discovered traits in myself that I hated most in others, buried deep in my shadow, which I was acting out mechanically and unconsciously.
I projected these shadow traits onto others and did not see them in myself at first.
It was a visceral, enlightening experience of disillusionment and shadow confrontation that I will never forget.
In that moment, as my sense of self-identity began to disintegrate, I experienced the true Self, the impartial witness, standing behind it all.
For a brief moment, the real “I” made its appearance, still, eternal, non-reactive, and grounded in joy (Ananda) that did not depend on anything external in my life.
It laid the foundation and direction for the ongoing work, for I am certainly not enlightened or awake in the true esoteric meaning of the word.
The higher we want to rise, the deeper we need to go. The more Light we possess, the more darkness we uncover.
It’s the esoteric axiom/law of Descent and Ascent.
Crossing the Threshold
Once you face the terror of the situation inside yourself and recognize the automated, mechanical nature of many of your feelings, actions, thoughts, and behaviors, you will also see this same robotic pattern in others.
You will notice that most people are unconscious automatons driven by trauma, conditioning, and programmed sub-personality parts.
You will see how people suffer without knowing they suffer, as their pain is suppressed, buried in the unconscious, and hardened in the body-mind.
Billions of people are sleepwalking, dreaming of being awake.
It is a humbling experience. Dark and disturbing, yet liberating and illuminating at the same time, for you also witness the Divine Force operating and moving through it all as all is One.
It cannot truly be captured by language.
Once you cross that threshold and begin to see the unseen, there is no return to your former “normal” life. That is when you truly take the red pill from an esoteric perspective.
Your priorities shift. You no longer waste energy on the trivialities of mainstream cult-ure, and you can no longer relate to many of the goals, pleasures, and desires you once had. You see how deeply they were rooted in a programmed, wounded personality.
You naturally become more inward-oriented as you embrace life more consciously in each moment, without trying to escape it.
It also marks the end of complaining and victim or blame consciousness.
This is the beginning of individuation, a process that often includes isolation, loneliness, and alienation, even among family, old friends, and crowds as you step outside humanity’s collective sleepwalking state.
This phase tests the sincerity of the seeker.
Esoteric traditions symbolize this process as crossing a threshold, entering the Kingdom, or passing guardians who test the soul seeking to awaken and leave the wilderness of the matrix.
This reflects the necessity of inner bankruptcy, disillusionment, and the death of the personality that initiates the seeker into “The Way” toward Awakening, as described in esoteric parables such as this one from Esoteric Christianity in Gnosis by Mouravieff.
“…This void, which can only be crossed at the cost of considerable effort or even of super-efforts, operates selectively.
The character and the quantity of effort necessary differ for each person, depending upon the nature and degree of deformation of each exterior man, an individual factor.
This esoteric parable gives some idea of the access to the Way:
I see a great building, one enormous mass. In the front wall is a narrow arch with open doors; behind them, dark mists. In front of the high threshold, there is a young girl, a pretty Russian girl.
A breeze comes from the dark and icy mists, a current of freezing air, bringing with it from the depths of the building the sound of a slow and muffled voice:
‘You who aspire to cross this threshold, do you know what awaits you here?
‘I know,’ answers the young girl.
‘Cold, hunger, hate, mockery, scorn, injustice, prison, illness, and even death?’
‘I know it. ‘
‘Do you expect to be shunned by everyone? Do you expect to be totally alone?’
I am ready. I know it. I shall bear all the suffering and all the blows’.
‘Even if they do not come from enemies, but from parents, from friends?’
‘Yes… even from those…’
‘Good. Do you accept the sacrifice?’
‘Yes.’
‘An anonymous sacrifice? You will perish and nobody… but nobody will even know whose memory to honor?’
‘I have no use for recognition and pity. I have no use for a name.’
‘Are you ready for crime?’
The young girl bowed her head. – ‘Even for crime.’
The voice that was questioning her did not continue right away. At last, it started again:
‘Do you know that one day you will believe no more in what you believe in now, and come to think that you have been a dupe and that it was for nothing that you have lost your young life?’
‘That too I know. Well though I know it, I wish to enter.’
The young girl crossed the threshold.
A heavy curtain fell. Gritting his teeth, someone uttered behind her: ‘A foolish girl!’
At which, from another place, a voice replied: ‘A saint!’”
Individuation and the Risk of Getting Stuck
Many people get stuck right when they have the chance to cross the threshold to what their soul is really seeking.
Alienation and loneliness harden them into cynicism or nihilism.
A victim mentality sets in, with blame projected onto the world and a “black-pilled” outlook taking hold. Impatience, boredom, jadedness, numbness, or anger follow, often accompanied by addiction, distraction, or avoidance.
They begin to see traps and conspiracies everywhere, even where there are none, and fall into psychological splitting, becoming trapped in black-and-white thinking.
Instead of turning inward, attention remains fixed on waiting for the world or others to change, while inner connection and guidance quietly erode.
Doom, gloom, negativity, and cycles of self-pity or self-inflation take over, accompanied by resistance to the necessary inner death and rebirth required for individuation.
Another common trap is spiritual bypassing, where wounded ego structures or sub-personality parts adopt a spiritual identity such as a “star seed,” “lightworker,” or claims of having “ascended to 5D,” creating a sense of being special, superior, or already awake.
This can also show up as getting caught in the Jesus Savior Program and taking on a Christian identity rooted in distorted religious programming, which I have written about here: The Jesus Savior Program and Reclaiming Christ
The real “I” is not invested in identities of this kind.
When a part of us feels the need to define itself as spiritual or religious, especially when strongly identified with a specific faith or dogmatic interpretation of scripture, no matter how compelling the inner justification, it is a signal to pause and inquire more deeply.
Such identifications can indicate a misalignment, with a sub-personality taking on a costume or mask to avoid disillusionment.
They can also be augmented by a Luciferian impulse, in which archetypes, spiritual language, and ideals are used to elevate the ego and bypass the necessary descent into humility, shadow, and inner work.
Many people are not yet ready to cross the threshold or to commit fully to the Work.
They attempt to return to their old lives, living in between, unable to let go. Some may need more time, experience, or even additional lifetimes before the soul is ripe enough to answer the call consciously.
As it is said, many are called, few choose to answer.
There is no judgment in this.
Humans exist at many levels of consciousness according to their karmic soul lessons, which only God knows, and there will be no collective awakening anytime soon.
Answering the call is a fully embodied yes, without conditions, surrendering the unfolding of the process to the Divine.
Facing the terror of the situation within yourself and disillusionment lays the foundation for the Great Work of transcending the matrix and transforming yourself and the world.
The Second Birth and the Real “I”
From lead to gold, we aim to die to the false self and be reborn into the true Self.
This is the esoteric alchemical inner process of the “second birth,” symbolized in Jesus’ rising from the tomb, which most Christians tend to take literally.
This is the passage toward aligning with Divine Will and spiritualizing your being, bringing the soul to the front through embodiment and living in the real I.
There, true joy, love, abundance, fulfillment, and your immortal Self can be found, not in a distant land or in heaven, but right here.
This is the descent required for the ascent, both individually and collectively.
It is a long, often difficult, but necessary process over many lifetimes during this Time of Transition, at the end of this Yuga, and in the evolution of consciousness.
It is not about escaping the world, but fully engaging in it with your whole being.
The only way out is in and through.
From veilofreality.com
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