You don’t have to suffer another abusive relationship to learn the lessons you need to if you take pen and paper (or word processor) and write down situations that are still sticking in your craw and flip them to see the positives.
The reason they’re still bugging you is you’re looking at them negatively. So now look at the other side.
The best part is you’ll have respite from your obsessive talking about it. You’ll be able to put the past to rest and glean the pot of gold from it it was always meant to be for you.
First of all the only reason you see it as being a miserable world is because of your own miserable attitude. How you see the world is a reflection of your own thoughts.
Yes, I realize a lot of unsavoury things go on on this planet. A lot of suffering. I’ve suffered a lot too and I started to get over it when I started to take away the blocks inside of me that were saying this world is miserable. Now I get up in the morning singing Cat Stevens “Morning has Broken.” Before it was, “Oh shit! Not another day of this! I’m still in this effing world!” Yeah, that’s called depression.
Who says you have to think the same way as everyone else does? Who says because everyone else thinks this place is miserable that you should? Be different. Choose to think differently. Then you’ll create a better reality for yourself.
Think for yourself. Decide how you want this place to look to you rather than having the general concensus tell you.
I’m not rich, I’m not young and beautiful anymore, I’m overweight, I can’t work at a job anymore…. there’s a lot of things that I’m supposed to have in order to be happy and I don’t have them. And I’m still happy.
Why? Because happiness is a choice you make. Every day..
It’s your choice. Your choice. Your choice. Your choice.
I don’t care what everyone else thinks. I’m going to think what I want to because I CAN.
My neighbours are all busy gossiping about each other and probably about me too. Well, I don’t talk to my neighbours. I don’t bother talking to the concensus thinkers out there. The ones holding the status quo I’m not interested in. I think my way.
Why let everyone else tell you how to think? Are you afraid they’ll call you weird? So what?! I’d rather be called weird than spend the rest of my life being miserable like the majority on this planet are.
When you raise your vibration through your thinking you allow good things to come to you.
Problems aren’t problems – they’re life lessons. They are all positive. There is no negativity unless you wish to create it.
The fact is, you create your own life. Yes, you do. You create it. Your higher self is watching, pulling potential lessons that you don’t need to live through again, and letting the lessons go ahead that you do need to learn.
On earth you can live learning through negativity or learning through positivity. Most learn through negativity and that’s called duality.
So as soon as we come across something new we rate it: “That’s good!” or, “That’s bad for me!” In Zen they say everything just “is”. It exists. The higher mind doesn’t assign it a rating – your ego does. I can go one better: everything that you experience, because you create your own life, is for your benefit. EVERYTHING. Even things we experience like being raped, going through accidents, losing loved ones… EVERYTHING. It’s all for your benefit. There is no negative.
So you say, “What benefit could I get from losing my mother? She was my rock, my pillar and she supported me through everything I went through!” Okay, so here’s your test then and it’s not open book obviously unless you have a psychic connection to your mother: What did she teach you and how did you learn to better your life through what she taught you? How have you learned to support yourself and others in turn?
So then you say, “Well, I didn’t have a mother like that! Mine was a complete and utter b****. She was very abusive.” So this is a mother who teaches through negativity. She teaches you what you don’t want in life, she teaches you that you do value yourself, she teaches you that you don’t want to be like her, mine was very manipulative and it’s something I dislike very much and refuse to do to myself or others. She was a great example to me of what NOT to do and how NOT to be.
How did people make you stronger? Most didn’t pat you on the back when you jumped hurdles through life. On the contrary, my family abandoned me! I was left alone through the worst moments of my life because they didn’t want to deal with me or my pain. They taught me to stand on my own two feet. They taught me to think for myself. They taught me to be forgiving. They taught me that sometimes life is about being by yourself, not with being with others.They taught me inner strength. There was no one to rely on but them at the time and they abandoned me! That’s of course when Ivo came through for the first time in my life and I worked with him. Which still counts as inner strength.
People steal from you. Those people teach you boundaries and how to protect yourself. People scoff at you. Those people teach you how to stand on your own two feet and exercise conviction over your thoughts. You learn you can’t count on many, but you also learn you can count on some.
People laugh at you. This is a particular one of mine, having had a narcissist for a father and being the brunt of all his jokes. People laugh at you sometimes because they’re jealous of you and they don’t want to admit it, so they come across as superior instead. What I’ve learned is people are mean because they see being nice as weak and this is obviously a misperception but they do do it. These people have closed hearts.
When someone hurts you, you’re so lucky because only your ego can be hurt. And you’ve just entered into another opportunity to grow in strength. You’ve been given another opportunity to heal your ego and align it with soul.You just have to understand the lesson being taught to you.
When I was in my 30’s I told my parents I wanted to go to University and study French. (Fact is, in Canada you would get this degree to either work as a translator, for the government or any low paid job of your choice, especially in cities on the Quebec border near where I am now. I ended up studying art.)
My mother haughtily said, “Oh! I approve!” I quickly came back with, “I’m not asking for your approval.” My mother looked at my father (see the triangle in motion here: who’s the perpetrator? Me, who’s the victim? My mother and who’s expected to rescue her? My father. My father actually was a lousy rescuer. He left her to fight her own battles. LOL)
My mother continued on making comments about how she preferred French to English and it would be a good career, etc etc.
Finding the positive here is basically a kind of slam dunk now that I look at it. I asserted myself. I stuck up for myself and I wasn’t looking for their approval, I just mentioned it in conversation.
But because of all the old past baggage that I’d accumulated throughout my life by thinking negatively about my parents (yes, I know, hard not to do in those circumstances) I took this conversation and piled it on top of more anger I’d had festering over their abuse of me.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to live with abusers, especially if they’re physically violent. But I can now go back to everything my parents ever said or did to me and look for the positive in it.
The day my father tried to strangle me when I was 16, I can take that as, “He tried to kill me!” or I can take that as, “I love myself so much I resisted his efforts to kill me!” or “Despite what they taught me, I was always there for myself. I love myself.”
I can take this conversation as, “My mother was an unrelenting b**** !” or I can take it as, “I already was making my own choices and standing up and asserting myself with these two when I was younger,” or “My parents had their own little control game going but I learned how to refuse to play it.” I can see so many positives from the things they did to me. So many.
Like they say, you can see the glass half empty or the glass half full. I think that comes from A.A. actually. I choose to see the glass as totally full now! Totally!
One time when I was 19 my mother and I were in the change room at the beach and a woman walked in who was extremely large. My mother, in Dutch, said, “If you ever get that fat, I’ll never be seen with you again!” I yelled something back at her, I can’t remember what. My mother taught me that to overeat and to be overweight is shameful but I know now with all the sugar and chemicals and toxins in our foods, it’s almost unavoidable. Unless you want to cook 3 meals a day on an organic vegan diet, and I don’t.
I actually can say now I love my earth parents. I forgive and love them and hope they never have to go through what I did.
Again, my parents….. When I was in my 20’s I started travelling to Europe. One year I went to Holland with my mother and after coming home I decided I would study Dutch and go by myself the next year. I did.
I met with all the relatives and held conversations with them in Dutch the following year.
You’d think my parents would have been proud of my achievement. Well, they weren’t. Instead they laughed at me when I didn’t do it perfectly.
My relatives, on the other hand, were extremely complimented that I would make this effort to be able to relate to and understand them. They got it. My parents only looked at it the way a narcissist would. These were extremely insecure people who lost so many chances to see the bright side and to enjoy their lives more.
I would see the same behaviours coming out of other people that my parents indulged in. I began to think this whole world just acted the same because everywhere I went, I saw the same negative abusive behaviour from so many.
And let’s face it, there is mind control that influences this.
The reason it was like this was because of me. People treated me the way, generally, they could get away with. You need boundaries and you need to be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate. Had I had that at the time, life would’ve been very different and those same people would’ve treated me with respect. But that’s the process I had to go through in order to learn to have boundaries and then assert them.
You have to put the dark in its place. Stop fearing it. That was what I was learning by going through all of this. Stop fearing it. Stand up to it with as much integrity as you can muster, and don’t back down. Be fearless in protecting and in loving yourself.
You need to rise above it by seeing the pot of gold in their behaviour and your reaction to it.
You will never raise your vibration by complaining about being mistreated.
Using your life experiences to create positive change is the only thing to do.
Your boss didn’t give you the raise you wanted. Do you sit and complain about it, do you improve your job performance or do you go and seek another job? (I can hear Ivo’s language in this)
You don’t like so many things about your job. Do you sit and complain about it, do you discuss with your boss to try to change them or do you use the law of attraction to magnetize a better job for yourself?
Your friend is smiling to your face and stabbing you in the back. Do you sit there and take it, do you complain about it, do you stab your friend in the back, or do you get new friends and refuse to treat anyone that way anymore.
There are so many options. Complaining about anything is spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.
My challenge has been not to stop loving myself because others couldn’t.
Unlovingness was modelled to me by my parents. They taught me to see myself and all others in the same way.
Healing has meant learning to love myself, and understanding that this was the battle I was in: remaining loving to myself despite the presence of unloving teachers.
AND remaining loving to all despite their unloving behaviour. That is unconditional love and that is of a 5D vibration. I’m still working on that.
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