Founding Fathers Strapped Down In Graves To Prevent Further Spinning

U.S.—In an attempt to tackle the unprecedented and growing phenomenon of historical figures spinning rapidly in their graves, federal officials have begun strapping down the Founding Fathers at several historical sites.

“It started slowly, back around 2016,” explained National Park Director Larry Rozinsky. “We noticed George Washington’s corpse had done a full 360. It was a bit odd but nothing unlike what we’d seen a few times back in the sixties.”

But that was only the beginning. Over the next few years, the corpses of Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and various other founding fathers began to rotate with increasing speed and frequency, reaching an all-time peak in just the last few months.

“Around the time local governments began shutting down entire industries for quarantine, James Madison did a full 720!” Rozinsky said. “Shortly after that, Washington and Franklin started spinning non-stop, at an increased velocity, with the rest of the founding fathers joining in by early June.”

Officials decided to strap down the Fathers over concerns that the constant spinning could create an earthquake danger for tourists –if and when tourism becomes legal again.

Some are critical of the efforts to secure the graves. Environmentalists say the spinning could be used as a source of green energy, while some quantum physicists speculate that, at the current trajectory, the graves could eventually create a space-time rift that would allow us to travel back to before everything went so wrong.

 

Source: https://babylonbee.com

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7 thoughts on “Founding Fathers Strapped Down In Graves To Prevent Further Spinning”

    • We are going into a new constellation, it happens every 2,000 years. Were leaving Pieces (that’s what Catholicism is based on) & The Heavens (Aka / the sky) is going into the constellation Aquarius. I am sure there would be movement on earth itself.

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  1. Hahahaha….. this is the best joke so far, and the best sense of humour ever. I think we need more of this sort of posts. I could easily create one, my imagination is limitless, ha!
    That picture with the corpse in the coffin, strapped, is hilarious and the seriousness with which this statement is expressed makes me fall from my chair. Boom…auchh.. hick-ups!

    Thank you for making my day…. evening… a scorching hot day in Holland with temperatures over 35 degrees Celsius. Going to the supermarket is a party!
    And leaving the supermarket is a hangover 😁 As if a warm blanket is thrown over you.
    See how I can make up a story? That quick, but after all, it’s no fantasy. It’s true. Facts!

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    • HI DEVON to me best joke so far is COVID19 and the whole World did not get it, they took it seriously.Why not; when screen players throwing money at whole World to take their joke seriously.

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  2. If true, very interesting. As far as the last paragraph “space time rift, to travel back to before everything went wrong” (I won’t go into the Civil War, to much hidden agenda’s) But we can Clearly see that The Monetary Control of this Country by ‘The Federal Reserve Act’ in 1913 would be what Andrew Jackson is spinning about. That ‘Act’ alone brought The United States Of America into Two World Wars that left 100 Million European Blood spilled across Europe & Asia. Now one needs to understand what this Agenda is about, question Why “They” would set up the U.S. to go fight the Very same Bloodline we came from. How clever, Genocide your own people. How sick is that & we fell for it.

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