The Absolute Best Marriage Advice From A Divorced Man

By Daisy Magnum,

It is a sad fact that a lot of marriages here in the United States end in divorce. When you get married, experts now put your chance of getting a divorce at around 39%!

A man named Gerald Rogers is hoping to help newly married couples learn from his mistakes. He wrote 20 tips for men on how to save a marriage back in 2013, and this still holds true to this day!

The following is in Gerald’s exact words, to read the full post and like his page click here.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SENSUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

 

Source: http://woked.co

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8 thoughts on “The Absolute Best Marriage Advice From A Divorced Man”

  1. I see allot of interesting comments here. Essentially what I received from Gerald’s message, probably after much soul searching is that you have to love yourself first and accept your partner for who she is. Love isn’t the surface drivel we are shown in the movies, love is a CHOICE. We all come from families that have dysfunction in one form or another and yet we still love are family members…even when we deny it. If your dad never told you he loved you, well it’s because he didn’t hear it himself, so he can’t give you what he never received, unless he acknowledges his own pain. Relationships are journeys not destinations. I was with a guy for 20 years, good years, and then he found a relationship outside of our marriage. Betrayal…I was angry, sad, frustrated, confused, victimized, all of it. When I could settle my emotions down though, I was able to see what I brought or didn’t bring to our partnership. I then started to see I betrayed him too, not in the same way (with another person) but in other ways. He was not good at pointing out where I was failing the relationship, so, he became frustrated and found someone outside. we are still sorting out the separation but I don’t hold him solely accountable, it takes 2. As painful as my lesson was, I am grateful for all of it. I am deeper for the lesson, more conscious. If you are content being on your own, Awesome! enjoy your life and live it to your fullest, but this isn’t about blaming men or women. It’s about doing the work, the willingness to go inward and take a good hard look at yourself, and recognize that sometimes we break our own hearts, the other person was just reflecting back our brokenness. We have unlimited second chances and as someone who is examining my brokenness, would I take another chance, hell yeah! Life is meant to have challenges, tough times, when you can make it through it’s like going through a spiritual gym…you get rewarded. Good on you Gerald…you are going to make someone out there very happy! Cheers!

  2. If it isn’t the wife’s job to make me happy as a man, then its just more proof why I am better off on my own. As Tom Leykis said quoting a letter of a man who was divorcing his useless wife, if a woman isn’t emptying the last drop of his sperm before he leaves the house, he will look somewhere else to get that done. Its time to end the denial that is destroying our species.

    Most married men in white collar high 4-figure salaries have empty wallets and if they are lucky, spare change for a beer at the end of the week or in spiralling debt to feed their wife’s voracious spending habits.

    As a blue collar worker, I got enough spare cash to buy me 3-4 cryptocurrencies every 2 weeks, chill out almost everyday on beer and food, indulge in a whole block of those expensive European cream cheese (my favorite) every now and then and still have at least $200 in savings on a salary of $1000 a month.

    70% of young men are staying off marriage, and why every video on YT related to women’s complaints about men are populated by MGTOW (Men Going There Own Way) related messages.

    The writer is still a blue-pilled simp who doesn’t realize the woman have at the very least an equal share in the problem, as Bonnie courageously pointed out in her comments. He will soon enough make the same mistake and get divorced yet again until he’s homeless or commits suicide as many divorced men often end up but society doesn’t give a damn about because men are considered expendable in a society that believes women are more trustworthy at their word than men.

    If people are shocked hearing this they are dunces who are not paying attention to the current environment.

    Also everyone should read ‘The Satanic Witch’ from any online book depository like Archive.org or Scribd. Its an exact manual on how to be a feminist. The dark occult fed that to the women with the false packaging of ’empowerment’, and they took the bait hook, line and sinker. By embracing feminism, they ended up walking lockstep with the real ‘patriarchy’ that they believed they were fighting against. Its no wonder the dark occult see the rest of us as clowns who are too stupid to figure it out and willing participate in our own destruction.

    “SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back.”
    Don’t worry, she did that leading up to your wedding night, and she will be done sleeping with a dozen other men a week from Tinder and other dating apps and you will be paying through your nose for babies that aren’t biologically yours. Have fun being the useful idiot.

    “18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY.”
    Your head is so far up your rear end you deserve to be destroyed by your mistakes.

  3. Great Article! Firing on all cylinders. Its important for a romantic partner to ask the question “What is a relationship really for ? ” Once that question is in play, it gets the wheels turning. Then we arrive at the question… “What does it mean to be Masculine? What does it mean to be Feminine?” We then discover a deeper understanding of our role in a relationship and find more ease & grace with a new perspective.
    So many people go around assleep without a clue on how to BE in a relationship. It can easily and often does turn into horse-trading or a relationship of co-dependancy if they go on without comprehending these basic ideas.
    Essentially, we need to grow in a relationship which takes alignment with the significant other in ways that serve that growth. If two people can remind each other of the alignments and be aware of the differences, then they have a good chance to grow together and sustain the relationship. And what may not be obvious is the idea that a loving romantic relationship is among the greatest contributions to the collective consciousness that there is. Our main-stream society has distracted us from this concept due to dark programing. With the shift in our consciousness, we we’ll benefit more and more from practice of deeper more fulfilling romantic relationships.
    Hopefully these thoughts have added to the value of the effective techniques here and given a bit of motivation to follow them.
    L&L.

  4. Most of the above is ‘the way to live with yourself and others’ and ‘how to treat them’. Being conscious of how we spend our time, what we do with our prosperity and creating Right Relationships is paramount if we are to co-exist in a habitable world.
    Thank you for the article. Without working to understand and create a better place no one will find one.

  5. Too much work. I love my three big boy cats. I mean I REALLY love them. PINCUS, the Messenger; NOAH who represents the modern day Noah’s Ark (a Mothership), and Hugo (Victor Hugo). All came to me at different times in my life to teach me. Humans are still so asleep. I’m ascending with my cats. We going to the cat planet first!

  6. As women, we need to follow the same advice. I am 73 now and have learned my lessons. What I observe is that many young women ruin their husbands respect by all the shopping, spending and using up too much of the familiy’s money. They nickel and dime the family into debt. I know. I did it. Women are different than men in that they dress and do things to please other women instead of their husbands. I always say “Be yourself, everyone else is taken. And love that man like there is no other like him. Because there isn’t.

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