Contributed by PFC Subscriber Shari:

As I write this I am filled with grief. My daughter’s friend from New York City was found dead in her apartment this Wednesday afternoon. There is no word yet on how she died. She has been missing since Monday. She was 27 years old.

I have a “to do” list that is huge, filled with commitments and “things” that need to get done and, yet, I sit here frozen in a state of numbness. I think numbness is the right word. “What must her Mom be feeling right now,” I empathize and “God, I wish I was in Chicago right now hugging my own girl!” I am numb not just because of this beautiful young lady’s death but because every week it seems more and more of the heaviness and the burdens of those around me are thrown into my awareness in some kind of carpet bomb fashion.

I am holding so much right now and I am not alone. We humans are in a war and most of us are completely in denial about it. It perplexes me sometimes how so many of us go about our business every day, selling our wares, watching our investments, getting wrapped up in mindless TV, drinking too much, partying too much and avoiding “feeling” what is really inside us. I totally get it. I get it because I made the choice 30 years ago to “feel” what is inside of me. It has been a rocking and rolling roller coaster ride ever since then. What did Morpheus say in the Matrix movie, “After this there is no turning back.” I took the red pill and unfortunately there was far more than one rabbit hole. So, I really do understand why people do everything to avoid waking up. But then there are those moments like right now when a sweet 27 year old dies way too early. I guess these are the moments that are meant to wake us up.

So, tonight, I am putting down my “to do” list. I am going to do the only thing that has allowed me to move through each and every rabbit hole somewhat intact. I am going to connect with what makes me feel alive. Meditation works best for me but every human needs to find their way to maneuver through Wonderland. And I guess each person can call it what they want — God, Goddess, Source, Mom, Dad, Higher Self, Earth, Art, Love. I just know it is the only thing that makes sense of the senseless and profane holographic reality that we call 3D Earth right now. I am going to connect with My True Mother energy, my real mom who loves me unconditionally. I am going to allow her to blanket me in love and I am going to surrender and just “be.” When I connect like this somehow I am able to quiet that part of me that just talks incessantly, the loud tape loop in my head. And miraculously I find all my answers this way. Please don’t ask me to verbalize any of these answers. They all show up as packets of “knowing.” They are deep pockets of wisdom in the chambers of my heart and they bring me peace. So, as I stand on this Earth with my God and I endure the Apocalyptic Storms of this ascension cycle I will be strong, I will be true in my feelings because I am holding ground with full empathy for what my fellow humans are experiencing. And maybe that is exactly what we were all supposed to be doing all along.


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  1. I am a mother to you as well and I can feel your pain as well as the pain of the mothers daughter that passed. So much is taking place of the earth right now it’s almost like we have to separate ourselves from it all in order to see what is truth from our heart. It gets far beyond twisted into a place that we can’t see it for ourselves until we are quiet and can focus within what’s truly important. Be gentle with self…..move forward each day as there are many many many of us. May the blessings be to the ones who are truly awake, for they are the way shower for all. Know you are not alone, all will be revealed.

  2. Blessings to you, Shari, your daughter and her friends family.
    You are all personally included in my daily meditations, holding the light for you all …and all of us everywhere. Standing Up and Grounded, let us say to the dark forces:
    Dark Force, Dissolve NOW
    At The Source!

  3. Nice article, I can relate. except. I never drank alcohol. No being, but humans on the planet drinks alcohol. To me that says something. I never smoked cigarettes. I always knew these lungs processed all important life giving (at least in this realm) air. I never used drugs. Not until I got to Portland where cannabis and CBD oil are legal have I used these natural remedies (never smoked) for health maintenance, not to get high or escape. I have lived my life never making connections (friends) ONE makes while drinking with others or abusing illegal drugs with others. 10 years as a police officer was brutal seeing what people will do to each other, but I bore it without substance abuse or turning to indifference or brutality. but did it with practicing mindfulness and compassion. After my law Enforcement career I turned to a life of creativity. Art is how I cope with all the things others cope with. I discovered that through creating, I was in touch with a future version of myself. Many people believe that when they die, they go to Heaven and sit on the right hand of God the Father. I always asked. Okay, that’s nice, but what happens AFTER that, say 20 minutes, 2 years, 2 decades or 20 centuries? Surely THAT is not the END of it? My future higher Self I have given the name “ONE” communicates with me through the frequency or you can say the “Party Line” of creative work from the other side of heaven. Full of compassion for me My future higher self guides me and speaks with me with such compassion knowing that I am confused about what is going on in this place, this realm of amnesia. I pass these things forward hoping it may help others, I do this because my heart urges me to and I cannot help myself. I do not know about any of you, but for me? I have no real friends or family other than my beautiful loving wife. every dog or cat, every animal I meet along my life journey becomes an instant friend. For me, perhaps your experience is different, but I think that humans have yet to really have any true friends, that what they believe is friendship ends up being common addictions and common ambitions or a simple desire to attach themselves to a certain tribe, because that makes life so much more easy never having to work out the complexities of this realm on their own but adopts others insights. I hope and pray that your experiences are different. But as I come to this moment, I know that in order to experience LOVE in ONE’s life, the secret is that LOVE is more powerful coming FROM you than ever coming TO you. That LOVE coming TO you will always pale in comparison to that coming FROM you. So BE the LOVE you want to see in your life. And practice creativity as a path if it serves you. More insights from my future Higher self can be found in my blog at


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